Making up your mind
I once heard the following story about philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein:
He was walking down a street in Cambridge when his sister spotted him out of a window. She said later: “My brother was leaning forward as he walked, as if pushing against a strong wind. But it was a completely still day. The wind was inside him.”
I can’t remember who told me this story and I don’t know if it is true, but it made an impression on me. It has stayed in my mind as a metaphor for inner intensity. I too feel as if the forces inside me — whether feelings, ideas, needs, desires or frustrations — are often stronger and more compelling than the inconveniences of the outside world. It seems as if my real task in this life is get them into agreement, settle them down, detach myself from them so that I can harness them to good use — and get to work.
How to get all the parts of myself to agree?
There are many ways to change behaviour, from therapy and NLP to meditation. All these things can work, but experience tells me there is something that precedes the action of change, something simpler — like kindness or surrender, which implies giving up on our efforts to change.
This brings me onto my interest in neural pathways. Here’s another quote, this one from blogger Zat Rana:
“In modern psychology, the concept of the modularity of mind… suggests that we have different neural modules in the brain that are sometimes in conflict with each other. Some modules want one thing, whereas different ones want another.”
This chimes with Freud’s complexes and Jung’s archetypes, not to mention Greek and indigenous myths full of polyphonous portrayals of personhood. At its most basic and reptilian there is Ian McGilchrist’s influential analysis of the fundamentally opposing purposes of the brain’s two hemispheres.
These framings suggest that the idea of opposing agendas (and inner intensity) has a neurological as well as psychological counterpart.
It makes sense to me that habits are hard wired. I find it easier to drink a coffee to motivate myself than to change my life so that I am more energised by what I do. I find it easier to check my phone than not to check it. I have awkward habits around decision making that have lasted decades.
The catch is, these so-called ‘bad habits’ often create equal and opposite neural patterns called ‘shoulds’. I shouldn’t do this, I’ve got to stop, this is bad. This ‘should’ complex is not generally an enlightened companion but rather a part of the problem: the attitude is self critical and stress-creating. Rather than changing behaviour, it entrenches it, similar to when you tell a toddler off for throwing food.
We create halls of mirrors full of multiple identities, all arguing with each other, like Dr Suess’ slightly terrifying Hunches in Bunches.
All this needs to relax and unwind. The contradictions and dissatisfactions inside us need to be given space to chill out and sink back into their home in flesh and bone. Instead of letting them light up your neural pathways and taking action that may be suboptimal, you can lie down and do nothing for a while, or offer it up to the Great Unknown with a silent request for assistance.
Which I sometimes call the art of ‘having no idea’.
The no idea practice is a way of rewiring habitual behaviours that don’t serve you anymore, not by self-manipulation or practices of denial, but through relaxation and radical okayness.
This is how it works for me:
At least once a day, sit or lie down somewhere comfortable
Set my timer for 10–15 mins
Do nothing
There are gazillions of wonderful practices and tools for negotiating with these different inner parts (e.g. Internal Family Systems, Systemic Constellations or my own spiritual discipline, Subud) but doing nothing is the baseline.
When I do this regularly I find my insights clarified, my work nourished, my life calmer and things just flowing more freely.
View it as a temporary alignment with the reality of your lack of control over anything. Plus: it’s easier than meditation.
And now that it’s midwinter and you have a virus / exhaustion / burnout / hangover (delete as necessary), what better time could there be?
Happy Christmas!